Would You Catch The Corona for a Championship Title?

by Aht Dafuq

Posted on March 6, 2020 at 2:00 PM EST

Photo courtesy of Barstool Sports, 2020

I came across this question on a Barstool Sports Podcast and it got me thinking... Would I risk getting COVID-19 if it meant my team won a title? The answer wasn't as easy as you think.

In a landscape of rabid fans (mostly from the East Coast), it's been sort of nice being a fan of a team that has a success allergy. If you're a Chargers fan like me, you just might be the most shat-on fan in modern times. Are we the first fans to have their team pulled out from under them in the middle of the night? Of course not. But at least those other a-holes had more success, or get more shine.

So when I saw the question "Would you get Coronavirus for a Championship Title?" I started laughing my ass off. The mere thought of contracting a virus that has infected almost 99,000 people, caused over 3,380 deaths, is contagious during incubation period, you have a good chance of catching if you go to a game , and has no vaccine as of the publishing of this article is rather frightening.

After the laughter died off a bit, I got to thinking: Would I roll the dice?

Go home, ya sick fuck

Upon careful contemplation, considering what I was risking to all my loved ones. What I was risking on my own ass. I decided "Yes."

So hear me out. I am one man. I don't speak for the whole fanbase that I am part of. But I also feel their pain and angst. You know what the outcome will be, but you watch anyways. You start to embrace the suck. In short order, you turn cynical. You fancy yourself as a fortune-teller. "Watch this - INT right here. BOOOM WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY??? IT'S FUCKIN CLOCKWORK." I think that's my text, by the way.

When the Chargers moved to LA, I was in a SD store and bought a LA Chargers shirt. Not because I love LA, I was more curious how people would react. There was a mix of responses. But the general sentiment was not positive.

Which brings me back to the premise. I would catch the Corona for the entire fanbase. For humanity. This is not a selfish endeavor.

I don't think of myself as a martyr. But there is something wrong here - something that brought joy to tens of thousands of people, and brought a sense of community to San Diego was ripped out in the name of the Almighty Dollar. I love money too, but not at the expense of other peoples' joy.

So in the interest of redemption, in the name of bringing joy to the people - I hereby submit myself to the CoronaCoodies. Shout out to Kaiser Permanente. You've been good to me so far. Let's see how you handle this shit.

Oh, and sorry San Diego. It's gotta be a LA Chargers title. Unless relocation back to SD can be wrapped in the deal.

-Aht Dafuq

Schmuck Sports Writer

No Big Deal
  • 1) It's like the flu
  • 2) Tell your GF you were doing this?
  • 3) Don't come around me