Super Bowl LI Preview

Houston, we have a problem...

The NFL wants you to think LI stands for "51," but it actually stands for "LIE." It's what the league has become - A giant lie, scam, backstabbing cheat of a league that doesn't give a damn about you or the players, and is all about its Benjamins. This is not breaking news, but why not regurgitate a subject that has been bludgeoned, and resurrect it to serve up a few more backhand slaps? I'll even throw in a Super Bowl LIE prediction that will serve no actual purpose other than make me look as stupid as it sounds.

The NFL, as we know it today, is one of the greatest unknown unknowns. An unpredictable mess of corruption that has an uncanny knack to keep you coming back for more, like a bad relationship you just can't let go. Like you, I'm a glutton for punishment. I refuse to let the NFL dictate to me an outcome that should obviously go the way of actual playmaking and not skewed by momentum-swinging calls by referees, coaching decisions so obvious that even the idiot that came to the party to watch the commercials can see that it was a horrible coaching decision, technical difficulties, and so on. To further backup my point, I refer back to Super Bowl 49: Seahawks vs. Patriots *Cough*. The Seahawks have the ball with under a minute to go in the game. Second down and goal to go. PASS?!?! WHY?!?! Belichick was gonna let Marshawn Lynch walk in the endzone just to get the ball back with time remaining on the clock. But no, Pete Carroll/Russell Wilson decide to throw, the pass is intercepted, and the rest is history. I was sure Richard Sherman was gonna go Latrell Sprewell and ring Carroll's neck for that bullshit call. New England is handed a Super Bowl Championship on a silver platter, further solidifying its place in NFL history as one of the great dynasties.

What about Super Bowl 47, when they turned the lights out on the Ravens and 49ers?? Do I need to say more? If so, that's too bad cause I'm not gonna. These events are of recent history. Unfortunately this is the direction we are headed and the outcomes to expect going forward. Why can't we just go back to the days of The Denver Broncos and Buffalo Bills getting bitch-slapped around? Lopsided wins by an obvious winner. You know why it can't be? Because it's less dramatic and bad for ratings. Vince McMahon is a damn genius and he should be demanding some payback from the NFL for stealing his scripts.

What kind of drama will the NFL orchestrate this time around? I can only guess it's something that will be enough to make it the best Super Bowl to date but nothing that can't be outdone the following year. Now let's breakdown this matchup in the worst way possible.

New England Patriots vs Atlanta Falcons

These two high-powered offenses will shoot it out for the ultimate prize. I feel Julio Jones is the difference-maker in the game that has the ability to take the game from Tom Brady, that's if Julio decides to show up. I don't want to hear about his turf toe nagging him if they lose the game. It was perfectly fine last week in the NFC Championship game when he completely torched the Packer secondary. Belichick will do everything to make Julio a non-factor. Matt Ryan can't let Belichick determine who he throws the ball to, or it's game over. Just get Julio the damn ball! Atlanta's defense has the perfect scheme to slow down Tom Brady. They've proved they can bring pressure and slow down a quality passing attack. They must capitalize on the turnovers they will get. I can see a few pass interference or roughing the passer calls bailing Tom Brady out of a jam to keep the game close. New England will need continued success from special teams on any chance the Falcons offense stalls out. I can see this playing out to be a final score of 31-34 with the Falcons winning by a FG as time expires.

There you have it, basic info from your average schmuck that knows nothing about the game. Going against this information is highly recommended.

I don't keep "The Juice" running for nothing.

About the author

Left Coast Bias


Lefty is a regular contributor to Schmuck Sports, and brings the pain with every article. The fuckin' guy is this close to perfection. So let it ride on his predictions and you will do just fine for yourself.



2 Days Ago Reply

I was in the right place, but it musta been the right time


2 Days Ago Reply

I done said the right thing, but it musta been the wrong line.

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